Hello, and welcome to The Optimized Geek. I’m your host, Stephan Spencer, and today, I have with us Renee Piane. Renee is the Love Designer. She is president of Rapid Dating. She’s a pioneer in the dating industry. She’s been in the space of professional dating and coaching in that area for the last 23 years. She is an Internet celebrity, a TV celebrity, and an author. She has a podcast called Love Mechanics. She’s done a lot of public speaking. She’s been on TV. Her two books are: Love Mechanics and Get Real about Love: The Secrets to Opening Your Heart and Finding True Love. She has appeared on CNN, NBC, ABC, The Today Show, and Lifetime. She’s been published in The New York Times and The LA Times. The Wall Street Journal listed her as one of the eight resources for singles in America. She has certifications in hypnotherapy, NLP, and timeline therapy so yeah, she’s just amazing! She’s going to be talking to us about vision boards and how to create the relationship of your dreams. If you are in a relationship-how to make it even better. If you’re not in a relationship-how to find that relationship of your dreams and make it a reality. Then, just overall-how to manifest what you want just using some simple tools like a vision board. Recently-well, not so recent anymore, time really flies-I wrote an article for The Huffington Post-I have a column there-about vision boards and I featured Renee. She is one of the vision boards in that article and what she was able to achieve out of her vision board and she manifested amazing results, including the photo of the man of her dreams before and then when she found him. I mean, it’s just like striking! It’s amazing! And then, the dog that she wanted and the dog that she has now, Buddy, who’s really cute and they look identical. She’s going to talk all about vision boards and how to manifest with that-so, welcome, Renee! It’s great to have you!
I’m honored to be here! This is my work. It’s kind of a ministry for me. It’s not just a job, it’s a life purpose what I do. After being in this industry before the Internet was even up in the world and way back when people used to do personal ads, that’s when I started all this. People everywhere want to connect and now, the world is even on a faster pace-everything is techie stuff and now, people are less connected. I’m here to help people to get real about why they may not be manifesting their dreams and give all my seekers 24 years-it’s been 24 years, really-in this industry. I love what I do. I’m here to inspire anybody out there who might have gone, “Ugh! The heck with all this! It’s too much of a pain! It’s too much work,” to really take a different purview and a different look at their heart and what could be blocking them from finding love so, thank you for having me!
Yeah! So, we’ve had episodes on The Optimized Geek before around hypnotherapy and NLP, we might touch on those a little bit.
I’ll be interested to talk to you a little bit about timeline therapy as well but let’s start with vision board stuff because I’ve had some great results with it. I don’t know if I would call it a, quote-unquote, vision board because it was more of a poster board that I did at Date with Destiny but I was able to manifest the woman of my dreams very quickly after putting that vision board or poster board together with my relationship vision. In fact, it was 12 hours after.
Oh my God! That’s fast!
Yeah, it is fast! I mean, I did pray for her to show up right away and I did used those two words right away so I got what I asked for. I had this big long list of the qualities of my ideal partner and more importantly, I had a list of who I would be for her and what I would bring to the relationship. I say, even more important than what you’re looking for in terms of the partner, it’s who are you going to be. Like, more of me shows up because of Orion, my soulmate, so let’s talk about your experience with vision boards because people are only listening and they can’t see the before and after of what you envisioned on your vision board and what you ended up with in terms of your true love and your adorable dog but…
Well, we’re going to have to send them to the link on your awesome article, which I was so honored to be. It’s interesting because I’ve been studying metaphysics and that kind of stuff. I have been going to Agape Spiritual Center here in Los Angeles since I moved here. I’m an East coast, Italian girl and I moved down here to do the work that I do. I was a big fish in a little pond in Wilmington, Delaware and my father was a caterer. When I came out here, I went to Agape, and as soon as I went there, there was only 60 people. I don’t know if you’re familiar with it. Are you guys…?
So, I went there. There was only 60 people. On the first week that I got there-the first day, actually-I prayed to connect with the community of people that I would really be aligned with my vision, right? I had already started writing my vision of what I wanted when I moved to Los Angeles back in 1988. I walked in the door and there was this beautiful woman there. She was a practitioner and she had a show, which is all about manifesting stuff. I was on her show and then we became good friends and from that week of meeting her, I started to visualize my light and then, I started to create vision journals. They weren’t boards-they were journals. I would have a page on the front about me and that is what you saw-the continuation of my vision journal. I actually started to create vision journals for couples. When people got married, I would collect pictures of them. I would ask them, “What do you guys want to create your marriage?” when I was coaching people-and then, I would put those words in these beautiful journals for their wedding. When that happened, a lot of the visions that I even put down for them were coming true because they had spoken the word to me and then I put it in visual pictures and in words as gifts for my sisters, cousins, and some of my clients. I was just a natural vision board person. Before the book, The Vision Board, came out, I did work with Joyce Schwarz, who is the author of The Vision Board book, which is in many languages all over the world. I would highly recommend it but actually, I did it a different way because I found-like you were saying, you listed the qualities on your relationship board, right? That’s particular part of your life so there’s health, there’s business, there’s family, there’s marriage, and whatever a person’s lifestyle is. In my work, I teach visioning so that you can update it every year. I update my vision boards yearly. I do them in a really cool way. I have vision work classes and my house turns into a craft overload! I have like, a crafts store magazines of every type in my house and I supply everything that they need because people go, “I don’t want to do it! It’s too much work! I don’t have the magazines!” They use these excuses and I meant to no excuses-come here and create your vision whatever it is in whatever area of your life. However, what I’ve noticed with most people-and maybe, you could put your two cents-is that they slam pictures on really quick in and they don’t have a vision for the vision so I teach people how to slow down and really take their time for each part of their lifestyle that they want to reinvent because that’s what I do with people. I help them to reinvent their life. People who are newly-single, suddenly-single, or broken-hearted, sometimes, they can’t see a new vision because they have a broken heart or closed-down heart. It’s really interesting when people come. I take different colors of paper and each section has its own vibration based on the colors and the pictures and words based on what it is that they want to create and then, I help them to use a formula to lay it out a certain way where they’re the center and everything revolves around that one particular vision-whether it be health, it could be wealth, it could be cars, or manifesting homes or whatever. Each one is separate so you can then take it off of main core board so you have all these beautiful colors, beautiful images, and beautiful words all leading to a vision in a certain area. Each year, if you need to update it, you don’t have to rip apart your whole board or go, “Oh, God! I got to make a whole new one!” because people spend hours and weeks, sometimes, creating a vision board so I say to people, “Don’t get overwhelmed about a vision.” I don’t know about you when you did yours but did you collect words over time? How did you do it? What was your way of doing it? Did you just do it all in one day?
That’s an interesting question. What I did when I wrote down my relationship vision-this was part of a Tony Robbins event, Date with Destiny…
You’re supposed to come up with your power virtues, your primary question, your mission statement, your Towards values, your Away From values, and…
The feelings associated with each of those values, and document all of that on this big poster board and there’s usually not any clippings, art, or anything added to it unless you’re a great drawer and then, you can go ahead and illustrate it or whatever but I can’t really draw so, it was all just words that I built.
I didn’t do the traditional kind of vision board and I still haven’t. Now, my fiancée, Orion, has done vision boards in the past. She has one now hanging over by her desk. She has found things online and printed them out on the color printer. She also found things in magazines and so forth. I’ve experimented with an app called Posterino, which is for the Mac. It allows you to create this sort of a compendium of different images and arrange them in cool ways and so forth. It’s kind of cool but maybe, I need to go old-school and do what you’re doing, which is to get out the magazines, cut out the pictures, and all that. I haven’t completely gone through the process of creating a vision board. I document things. I have an app that I use for journaling called Day One, which is on my iPhone and it’s on my Mac and they sync.
It’s just words and I’m not really doing the visual thing, which I think is important.
Well, for me, it was. I mean, it’s interesting because if you ever get a chance, maybe we could show people in some way but when you really look at the book-it was actually a vision journal. On the back of it where Buddy was, a picture of the little Cesar dog, I guess he was from TV. I cut him out in a big way and then I cut him out and I put him on my phone, I put him on my refrigerator, I put him on, and then, I got my vision board and I put little versions of it in my day timer. Because I still like to have everything written out and depending on your mind and the way you consolidate information, some people like to do technology but I have an actual book to write my appointments and I like to see. My husband is more on the phone. He does everything technology. We’re completely the opposite. I like to see the name and remember the time-there’s just something about it-so I put pictures of all my vision boards inside of my day timers so that every time I open my appointment or was seeing clients, I would show them my vision board and they would be like, “Oh my God! That’s really cool!” and it would inspire them. I would say to them, “See what I did! But it took me a while!” I think, that just like relationships and the way technology is, everybody is in a big rush and that’s what happens. People rush out, they see something that they like, they jump into a relationship, and they don’t even think about the qualities, the values, the lifestyle, and all the parts of a relationship-they just kind of slam it together. When people come here, it is hysterical, Stephan. They like, start gluing really fast and I’m like, “Slow down!” Think methodically-put the man that you want or the woman that you want a type like, a certain type. Men would come and cut out all different types of women and have women all over their board and I go, “Okay!” One girl put, “Men, men, men!” and I go, “Okay, you want men, men, men, or do you want a man? Your lover? Your husband? Your soulmate?” I have so many amazing success stories from people. One woman came who’s in the middle of the divorce and she was so sad and she was like, “I don’t even know who I am. I don’t know what I want!” so we made it a reinvention-instead of her having to choose her new vision of love, she made it about reinventing herself like to take better care of herself and to really look and do visioning. It ended up being this cathartic change. When people are here, it’s more like a healing process and opening of where are they because I don’t think that people slow down long enough to even write down the important things. That’s why these seminars like Date with Destiny-my class is about getting ready for love. My vision board classes, my flirting classes-it helps take people out of their busyness and into the reality of some of the actions that they need to take to really make things happen. Visualization-you wouldn’t even believe how many visions of business that have come true. My cars, my vacation, and more importantly, the most important one, was my husband. As you know, maybe you can put the link up on your radio show somehow of your article but when people saw that, they wrote me and said, “Oh my God! He looks exactly like that man!” I wanted a grounded business man with a beautiful smile, an athletic man, a spiritual man, and a family man. Those were my valuefamily, health, somebody who loves people the way that I do, and would be able to handle what I do. I mean, what I do is not an ordinary life. I’m always taking people shopping and redoing their lives, taking out photo shoots, and helping them look at how they are marketing, branding, and packaging themselves, I could say. I repackaged and reinvent people and visioning is such a big part of it. People have a hard time doing it and they don’t want to sit their butt down-my classes are three hours so sometimes, I get them just started up on it and then they can design each section over time and some of the amazing stories have come out of those classes-marriages and oh my God, business deals from people slowing down.
I say, slow down. I say, don’t glue so fast. Look at how you’re putting this together! And then, people bring me vision boards that they had in their past and when you look at them, they don’t even have a picture of themselves on it. They just have words and then some of the words are real small, some of the words are larger, but they don’t have their top values on their vision board. That’s why the work you did about the values toward and the values away, the things that were happening and what you didn’t want to happen, are so important to really know thyself. That’s what my book is about. It’s to lead a person through a process of knowing themselves-knowing what stopped them from their vision, healing it, and then moving forward with a whole new openness and possibility that they can’t ever look back and go back to an old vision. It’s really very, very powerful for them to get real with themselves.
Yeah, for sure! So, we’re going to put into the show notes for this episode links to the Huffington Post article I wrote about vision boards with the pictures of your before and after’s and the things that you manifested in your life. We’ll have a link to each of your two books. We’ll have a link to The Vision Board book-who is it by? I forget.
Joyce Schwarz. It’s spelled in an unusual way but you can find it. Just put “Vision Board” book. It’s all over the world now. She certifies people to become Vision Board teachers and has me come on as the Love Vision person in the book. She always has me come to speak in events and talk in one of her classes about it. When I manifested Joe, I swear to God, that’s when my whole life changed because I was the pioneer of the first speed dating company when I would go on TV. I was on all the talk shows for my first book, Love Mechanics, which was for men. I taught men how to understand busy, successful women and I still do that to this day internationally with a company. I’m on calls every few weeks with men from around the world who are looking for love and you can check that out on my Facebook. It’s called, Secrets Into the Minds of Women, and it’s free. I also work one-on-one with a lot of people-men. When I was on TV, everybody would say, “Dick Clark,” when he was alive. God bless him! I was on his show 13x, he would say, “So, why aren’t you married? How come you haven’t married when you’re so good at helping everybody else? Why aren’t you married?” I say, “You know what? I haven’t met anyone that’s aligned with my vision.” It has to be a certain type of person who can deal with sharing me with the world because I’m here on a mission and this isn’t just a joke. Putting people together is an art and I have a gift of bringing people and communities together. Now, I’m still doing that in a smaller way because speed dating got copied all over the world and I was the first one, besides the Jewish synagogues-one in New York and one in LA. Our company was the first and people need connection. I am just doing it in a different way because I’m married now. I’ve been with my husband for 14 years coming up. It was August 10th when we met so it will be 14 years since we met and we’ll be married for 11 years this September. Everybody wants to know how I went from being a Wonder Woman workaholic into being a wife and shifting my gears a little bit. It’s really awesome. I’m sure you, guys, probably have the same challenges as busy, successful entrepreneurs out there doing your gifts in the world and how do you balance it all so, that’s my new work in the world right now.
Yup. It’s tricky because we’re planning our wedding. It’s going to be in Costa Rica so there are a lot of logistics complexities involved with a destination wedding. I also have speaking engagements. I’m coming out with a new book. I have TV appearances. Just yesterday, I was in Tuscon.
It’s a lot to juggle. Orion has her TV appearances too. She’s been on Tucson TV, Reno, ABC, and so forth. It’s a lot and you can get kind of lost in that hamster wheel if you’re not careful and forget to go on date night and really nurture your relationship because you’re too busy accomplishing.
Yeah. Well, you know, it’s funny because my dad used to call me Wonder Woman and then, he will ask, “What do you want? A Superman or something?” so I said, “As a matter of fact, I do!” If you look at my Facebook, I just put the picture up because his birthday was last week and I had a Superman birthday party for him like, a little boy’s birthday party a few years ago. A couple hundred people came and I gave everybody Superman rings, he’s top in health care, he works with health care companies and he’s helping to automate systems. He’s just an amazing man but we both are always flying in and out of town so we have to balance it. That’s my new message-how to balance love and business. It definitely is an art and I got to tell you, it’s become my new passion. We are doing it. We are creating a life that when people see our life, people go, “How do you do all that?” We carve out time for it. I started my whole business as a wedding planner so I understand weddings, believe me. My dad was a caterer so as a little girl, I used to go and help set-up for weddings even when I was young. Then, I became a beautician and used to design brides’ weddings. I would meet the families and I would see the disconnect, sometimes, between the families. My father and I would take bets if the marriage is lasting or not, just based on me meeting the people. It was really interesting. I’ve been kind of in this world ever since I was young. Watching people get married that I knew shouldn’t and marriage, to me, is one of the biggest choices and decisions you ever make. Picking that divine partner to design a lifestyle together and still doing your passion. That is definitely a juggling act.
It’s a juggling act.
So, what would be some of the tips that you would offer to our listeners about them about how to balance this all?
Well, first of all, you have to really take a look at the patterns of what drives you. To me, I think, my drive when I was on my own was part of what I wrote my book about. It was this protection that I had based on some pain that I had from when I was younger of seeing infidelity weaved into my family. I think some of our drivers come from watching our parents or not having role models to have balance. My family was like that. They were very driven. My dad had three restaurants and a catering business. My brothers and sisters all became entrepreneurs or worked for my dad. We all were shown to work hard and make money. We were always shown that model from when we were young. I think that if a person has come from divorced families and had to see their mother raise them on their own or a father raising them on the road, which is not always the case, unseen struggle. A lot of the people who are over 40 and 50 years old didn’t really have great role models for fathers in the Leave it to Beaver! days so the women who are over 40 are seeing a disconnect between their, “I am woman, hear me roar! I can do it on my own!” and the men that they’re dating, who are 10 or 20 years older than them, being brought up to think that they’re going to be housewives, sitting at home, cooking, and having babies. The men who are a little bit older have not had official prince training or husband training to deal with Wonder Women. I think that is one of my biggest passions. It’s to slow the women down and let them see that not all men have come to understand how to handle us. That’s one of the biggest things that I talk about in my book and it helps all of us when we are in a relationship no matter if you’re single or getting married or with somebody or married to somebody-it’s to really look at the imprints of love and where your mate got them from. You were talking about timeline and all that kind of stuff. This was the probably one of the most powerful things that I learned from NLP Practitioner Training that I went to for so long and I love NLP-it’s the parts of us that we all have. Each of us has a part of us that’s so driven or whatever. We have are our grown-up part of us and we have the little boy and little girl inside of us and yet those parts aren’t going in the same direction and you have some old stuff still left, a lot of times, it will sabotage your marriage, it can sabotage future relationships, or even you’ll find yourself doing what I did-I’m admitting that I had half of me that was so driven to become successful because I saw cheating and a lot of lying in my family lineage for three generations and the women all became strong. My role models were strong, dominant females who took care of themselves and were left alone with children. They used to tell me that I had to make sure that I took care of myself because no one would do that for me ever. That became a belief that was so strong and it kept me not from not having love-I did have love throughout all the years that I was single and I had wonderful relationships but they were always with people who were always so busy like me so I was dating me. I dated myself and then I’d be mad that I was not ever able to be with the guy because he was always busy and then when I really looked at myself, I was like, “Holy shit! I’m dating myself, oh my God!” So, to women out there who are listening to you or me, really take a look at yourself-is your drive to survive or is it to eventually surrender to a relationship but then you never have time? Because you have to-all of us, male and female-carve out the time to really evaluate the most important decision. When you did that, Stephan-is it Stephen or Stephan?
Stephan, good. I love when someone doesn’t screw up my name. Please! “Renie Peanie is with us today!” or “Renie Pane is on the phone with us,” and I’m like, “I know I help people get out of pain but that’s not my name. It’s Piane,” so I’m glad I have the right name. No, but it’s so important for couples to connect with all parts of your partner and when you’re so busy, we sometimes don’t even have time to connect with those parts of ourselves. I had some wake-up calls during my career of illness and death-my best friend dying-that really showed me how every single moment of our lives is so sacred and most of us are rushing too much that we’re not living in the moment of the presence of, sometimes, people whom we love the most-our friends, our husbands, our wives-and we just take for granted that they’re there and we’re not carving out these special slices of time. That’s what my husband and I do regularly. We made promises that we would take little romantic getaways even for one night to get away from our computers. We unplug-completely unplug-from everything and just spend time with work and we’re just holding each other a lot. I call it KT time or ‘Koala time’ where we’re just resting in the beach or bike-riding and we’re alone without all the technology. The technology is ruining relationships as far as I’m concerned. I go out and watch people on their phones while they’re at dinner. Everybody’s checking their Facebook and we do it sometimes because we’re meeting people and then we go, “Uh-oh, we’re becoming those people that we don’t want to be,” and we stop ourselves.
Yeah, I do the same thing. Even putting the phone on the table-that alone brings the attention away from the other person and towards the phone even if it’s face down and you’re not looking at it directly. Just having it on the table changes the course of the conversations.
And then it vibrates! If you put it on silent, it vibrates and you hear it then you’re going, and then if I break. If you put it on silent and by grid you hear the rate you’re going, “I wonder what it is!” and then you get psycho and then you have to answer it and then the whole night changes. It happens with friends-when we’re out with friends, I’m like, “Can we make it a ‘no phone’ zone?” and everybody looks at us like, “Oh my God!” Like, “What the hell is this?” And what the problem is, right now, what I’m also seeing are the parents. I mean, if you have kids, you don’t even know how to connect with your kids because they’re in a whole, different world. There’s a really big challenge right now with parents understanding dating when they’re single. If they’re a single parent, that’s one issue if they are getting back in the game. I deal with people who are getting back in the game, who are in the game, and they’re bored. You got to flirt and you got to make it fun. I know a lot of men who say “My wife doesn’t dress up anymore,” “She doesn’t this,” and “She doesn’t that,” and I’m like, “What about you? She’s still asking or waiting for you to ask her out on dates even though you’re married.” We create this energy of where he’ll say, “Tonight, I’m taking you out so put something pretty on,” and we shift the energy from the hectic pace of the dinging and the tweeting. I swear to God, between texting and Facebook and Twitter and all the events that I have and all the events he has, we have to sit down, coordinate our schedules, mark out time, and then when it comes, sometimes things will come up and we’re like, “Nope! We committed to this and we’re going to do it!” It isn’t easy. The other thing is, energetically shifting gears when you come home. I teach a whole rituals class on how to do that but it is not an easy thing for me to go like, I’m all amped up, I’ve been speaking in front of a bunch of people, and I’m so excited but when I come home, he’s all relaxed, he’s taken a shower, and I’m all wound up and I just want to get unwound and try to get into the zone.
Right. And for a lot of women, they come from being in a masculine work environment all day and they’re coming home masculine and they need to become feminine and get in touch with their feminine core.
In order for the man to be in his masculine core and have that polarity.
I mean, in a heterosexual relationship.
So, that leadership role that the man needs to take is really important because if you’re just waiting for your partner to say, “Oh, it’s time for date night or whatever. It’s been a long time since we’ve gone out on a date,” you’re doing it all wrong. You need to be a leader.
Be a man with a plan, baby! That’s what I say in my book. Women love a man with a plan. When my husband plans, Stephan, it’s a turn-on. It’s like, “I made reservations and we’re going.” We went to this really amazing place. Where was it? It was in Orange County and it’s called, The Laguna Resort and Spa. It was in Dana Point. I went there to speak on Valentine’s Day weekend, right? He was kind of mad at me. It was the thirteenth and I had this big thing in Dana Point. It was an hour and a half away with this company that I work for. I said, “It’s only a couple of hours, let’s spend the night!” We picked this resort and spa and we loved it! They give you bikes. They had a romantic views. You can even walk everywhere. Dana Point is very slow and has a slower pace. We went back there again. We liked it so much and we only had one night and one day because Valentine’s Day was the next day. We went out for our early Valentine’s Day and then we came home and I made this beautiful dinner and everything. It was very romantic. I turned work into fun-you know what I mean? He came and he did his e-mails while I was speaking and then, we went to the hotel, we took a Jacuzzi, we took a nap, we had Buddy with us, we went out for walks, we went out to dinner, and then the next day, we did a whole romantic day. It was great! We switched gears even though I was working. I try not to do as many things on the weekends but I’ve been busy recently and it’s just been crazy. I kept saying, “After Valentine’s Day, it will slow down!” Well, it hasn’t slowed down at all. I carve out other times and I’m very much into massage, snuggle time, and taking time out for sacred moments but I’m the one that kind of leads the way with my energy by shifting from my excitement. I get all wound up and I go upstairs and I switch gear so I do all these rituals to switch my gears and I take baths and wipe off the day or I take salt showers and I wipe off the day and change into something so pretty-feminine, pretty, and comfortable-and then, we hang out. People always say, “How do you keep your husband so happy when you work so much?” and I say, “It takes effort!” It isn’t always that I want to cook and it isn’t always that I want to be all sexy in my nighties and all that but I make an effort to realize how much he does for me. A lot of it is appreciation, kindness, fun, and silliness because he’s more serious and I’m more of the silly one. He has changed over the years. His mother said, “I don’t know what you did to my son but he’s usually so…” He’s more of an organized guy and I’m more the nurturer, always out healing people, helping in the world, and everything so we’re a great balance together. It’s really cool that we balance each other out.Women love a man with a plan. Click To Tweet
Yup, that’s awesome! Well, I interviewed Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt.
Yeah, they’re awesome! That’s a great episode, listeners, if you’re interested in learning about how to take a relationship to a whole new level. Harville created Imago therapy and the power of rituals like, doing daily appreciations.
I do that with Orion every night-well, most every night. I mean, Harville hasn’t missed it with his wife for the last 18 years. They’ve been doing it every single night for 18 years without fail. We get 98% of the time so maybe, once every couple of weeks, we might miss a night. It definitely makes a difference.
Yeah, we do that too. We talk about what happened and we appreciate. I think, appreciation is the biggest key, and prayer. We pray a lot and we really take time just to connect every day no matter how much hugging and it’s just special. It’s so special and people see it. I think, when you see couples that have that connection, it’s because they are continually-even if you’re not having sex-and people go, “Well, you’re not having as much sex as the years go by,” and I’m like, “Really?” However, it’s not just sex, it’s the connection. We can be together and I, sometimes in the middle of work, I say, “Honey, can we just take like a koala break?” I call it, KT or Koala Time, and we’ll just lay together and just breathe and relax or go out by the pool that we have outside and hold hands. People always see us and they’re like, “You two are like on your honeymoon. When did you get married?” and I say, “It’s been 11 years.” We get remarried every year.
We re-vow to the vows and we update our vows. We do a lot of really cool stuff and we talk about our love a lot and it inspires people because I think people lose that magic feeling. If we ever get in that state, we talk about it. Like I’ll go, “Hello!” and I’ll hold his hands and look at him and say, “We need to connect,” and usually, it’s stress-related work stuff that stops us from that.
Yeah. Well, it sounds like you’ve got a lot of intentionality in everything that you do-whether it’s updating your vision board or vision journal or if it’s doing an updated vows and ceremony every year with your husband or it’s just the way that you show up at home and kind of wipe off the day and all the busyness. There’s a lot of intentionality there and that’s impressive. A lot of people kind of get lost in the busyness and the hustle and bustle and they forget. It’s kind of like, they go into an unconscious mode of auto-pilot.
Dangerous place to be.
And we know a lot of guys say, “Well, my wife doesn’t give me the same sexual energy that she did before,” and I go, “Well, it goes two ways. It’s give and receive, give and receive.” It isn’t, “Well, she hasn’t done this so I’m not going to do that. I always say, “Well, this is the person that you’ve chosen to build, spend, and grow your life with so, water the flower!” Women do so many jobs and when men are providing the money, a lot of times there are still traditional roles where the woman is raising kids and working and then, she doesn’t feel like he helps at home. I hear it all the time. “He’s a jerk and he’s selfish,” and I go, “Well, wait a second, you’re driving a beautiful car, your kids are going to private schools, you live in a big home, you both are contributing but he takes most of the weight financially and if you’re not appreciating that, he’s going to feel dismissed from all that he offers!” It’s a lot! My husband is so generous to me and all of our friends. We celebrate everything. If something happens, we celebrate it so I’m a “celebrate life” girl too. He was raised that way and I was raised that way. Most of the men that I dated when I was single didn’t have the kind of family life. I grew up in a Guido with really big celebrations and parties. I love having parties and celebrations because I grew up in that kind of a family so if I dated a guy who didn’t have a close family or even cared about his family, that was my top value. That was my top question that I would ask. For all you single men and women out there, that’s what you were speaking about-knowing your values, knowing yourself and your lifestyle, and what’s most important to you then find out what that is. Don’t interrogate people when you meet them but know yourself so well that when you talk with somebody and you can just say, “Tell me about your family,” and they go, “Ugh, I never see my family,” “But what about holidays?” and they go, “I go skiing with my buddies,” That would eliminate a guy from me dating him. I didn’t’ care how handsome he was or successful he was. If he’s not family-oriented, I wasn’t interested. I go, “What do you do for your birthday?” “Oh, I’m not sentimental about any of that crap!” “Well, I am! Sorry!” I spoil my friends, I spoil people in my life. Usually, I find out what their love languages, I find out things that they like, and I remember these things. It’s important to me because I enjoy helping people to understand what I need too so it’s all about communication and letting the other person know when something is really fabulous that you love it so that they know and thank them for when they remember that you like it. My cousin, for example. When we got married, I lost my voice right after our wedding. I couldn’t speak for four days because it was it was a four-day Italian wedding and it was a wild, fun Labor Day weekend. By the end of it, I got a virus and I couldn’t talk so we were on our honeymoon and he ordered everything for me and that’s when I knew that he really knew me. He’s like, “She likes her eggs over medium. She likes no butter on her toast. She has to eat gluten-free bread, do you have that on the menu?” He knew everything that I needed and I was just sitting there. I wrote on a pad, “Oh my God, you really do listen!” He really did listen and take note and it’s the same thing with me at a restaurant. If somebody comes over and he’s not there and I go, “Oh, well, he would like salmon with no sauce,” and I know everything that he likes and I do that with my friends and my family. People just are too busy to observe and listen to what people really need. Clients, sometimes, are so focused on the busyness that they’re not there present in the moment.
Yeah, and understanding what the other person is seeing, feeling, and what their lives are like. It’s not just trying to interpret from your perspective but getting from your perspective outside and into their perspective as much as you can.
Yeah! Sounds like your husband does a good job with that!
He has been trained by his former wives as well. When I met him, I asked a lot of questions and I found out all about him very quickly from asking the right questions. People always go, “What are those questions?” and I said, “Well, you know, it’s an art to really understand people and finding out about them by asking the right questions and really listening and not having an answer before you heard what they were even speaking about,” so I really tuned in to him when I met him. Our love story is pretty extraordinary. You can read it online. I met him 3,000 miles away, from my mother’s death. My mother passed away and I went home and I ended up meeting my soulmate from one of the saddest experiences of my life. It ended up being such a blessing because my mother used to say, “Slow down so you can meet somebody!” That’s what I’m telling you. My mother’s advice is good: Slow down. Slow your life down to really vision what you really want and really look. Are you what you’re asking for? That’s what you were speaking about. You had to become the man and you became this person that would attract the kind of woman you wanted that’s why I always say, “Are you what you’re asking for?”
What are the qualities that you have to become to be the type of man that she would want? I did all that for myself and I helped thousands of people to look at that. My whole book is really my story of how I open my heart to love after having imprints of mistrust for many, many years. I see millions and millions of people who have walls of trust that block their heart so if that’s you, I would highly-recommend that you may want to get, Get Real About Love. Male or female. Gay or straight. It doesn’t matter. The book is for everybody. It’s not just a woman’s book even though it’s purple on the cover. This man said to me, “The book cover is too feminine!” and I go, “Well, I didn’t want to put a picture of somebody else on the book so I put me on there!” It’s my story of how I had to open my heart and when I manifested Joe years ago, it was the highlight of my life and I am the happiest I’ve ever been. All my accomplishments are wonderful and I’m proud of myself but my most joy in life is being married to him and having a sacred love. Sacred love is what I’m after and sacred love is what I help people to find.
Mm-hmm. It’s awesome! You do it with such intentionality like I said before and I think that’s something that we need to all take away from this episode. It’s to bring more intentionality in everything that you do. Slow things down but be intentional. It seems like those two things go hand-in-hand, right? I recently read a great article on WaitButWhy.com, it was Your Life in Weeks. Great article! If you visualize, say, you anticipate living to 90 years old, you have a finite number of weeks before that 90 years is up and you’re expired. You see that visually if you go to this article, which I’ll put the link into the show note. You’ll see that there’s a very finite number of boxes and then all those weeks are gone and you’re…
Yeah, so every week matters.
Every day matters! I have to share something with you. I had-not many people know this but I’m out talking about it now-an infection all the way from before my wedding in my teeth that kept this bacteria growing in an infected tooth and it poisoned my blood and I got a tumor-an aneurism-that traveled from my jaw into my arm of my artery and blocked my artery. It almost kill me.
And I was sick. I had to have eight operations on my jaw. The whole jaw was poisoned and I was out of the loop for a little while. Nobody knew where I was. I was having events, events, events, and all of a sudden, I was gone. I didn’t put it out anywhere because I didn’t know what was going to happen and I was very sick. From that experience is what made me write Get Real About Love. I changed my whole name on my book. I was experiencing watching the world fly by me and I couldn’t function in it because I wasn’t feeling well while I had all these operations and all this medication that they gave me to keep me going. Everybody didn’t know what happened and I was working from home doing coaching and teaching classes once a week because that’s all the energy that I had. What I learned from that is, every single day, you never know what is going to happen to you. You don’t know if a health issue will come up or if you’ll get hit. During that time, my husband got hit by a car. He flipped over a car and dislocated both of his shoulders and ruptured his neck. We both went through a shock-like, oh my God, we could have died, now what? That is what has taken me to this level of, “Oh my God, if I had to do it again, I’m not ever going back to the work pace that I had!” Now, I slowed everything down and my message iGet real, everybody! Hello! Like that same thing, Your Life in Weeks-I may only have a short period of time and I looked at it like that. Even the doctors were like, “We’re not sure what’s going to happen. You could rupture when we cut this aneurism or it could explode at any time and could kill you in a minute. You could die anytime.” It was scary as hell!
And it woke me up to writing about it. Now, I’m going to write how I handled that experience because I thought, if I’m going to go, I had parties before my surgery. I had an “aneurism going-away” party and I toasted and and the last thing I want if I do die, I told everybody how I felt about them. You shouldn’t be waiting until you have to get sick or think about death to tell people how you feel. I tell people how I feel all the time and people think I’m a little over-the-top with the way I feel but I’m just a very passionate person. My family did not know what to do and I couldn’t imagine putting it on Facebook and having a thousand people call and see how I was doing so I just didn’t do that and I privately healed and now, I’m on a whole, new, different trajectory in my life and taking time for love is the most important thing-whether you’re in a relationship or not; whether you’re in the middle of the divorce or not. Slow down, look at your life, and examine the reasons that things happened so that you don’t take the pain with you and keep your heart close down.
Because life is so short. I see all these angry people going, “He did this to me!” or “She did this to me!” and I was like, “That was four years ago!” but they’re still holding this anger. They can’t let it go and they can’t open so when a new person comes, they block love. It’s like, oh my God, don’t do that! I did that. I did that so I wrote my memoirs sort of in this book plus lessons so that people could wake their ass up. I’m just here to tell you that life is so precious. I love that you talked about Your Life in Weeks because I only thought I had a couple weeks so I was out. I went and did a whole bunch of crazy stuff during that time. It was really fun! Now, I’m here and I’m like, “Okay, I’m not going to let one day go by without me loving the people in my life to the fullest extent that I can and celebrate every day.” What I’m speaking, I talk about it. What if you knew tomorrow that you aren’t going to be here? What would you be doing? Would you be miserable because your husband left you for some girl two years ago? Why don’t you go out and have some fun? Buy yourself some new clothes. Go out and flirt. I’m teaching a flirting class this Saturday in Brentwood at a home of a woman who was going through a divorce. She was so angry and I helped her to, literally, break free from the divorce in a joyful way and now, she’s having so much fun. She’s inviting me to use her beautiful home in Brentwood to do my classes-my rituals classes and my love support classes. I’m here to get you to wake your butt up and have some fun in life. Congratulations on finding your soulmate and being two powerful people in the world who are making a difference.
I’m in a relationship like that and it’s really cool. For all the Wonder Women out there who are bitching and complaining and there are no men, those guys are working somewhere but you’re working in your house and you’re always on the phone and always on the Internet, you have to get out to meet people and network. I was just at an event this weekend-it was awesome! I’m in a new book called, LinkedIn for Baby Boomers, because I help people who reinvent. It was pretty amazing the people that were there. There was a lot of single men there and I’m like, “That’s where they are! They’re out doing transformational work!” I think men are finally catching up and the women have to unwind that bitterness of the disappointments that they’ve had with certain men in their life and just go on a quest and believe that there’s going to be somebody equal to them instead of bitching about why they’re not-and that’s where NLP comes in.
Yeah, so essentially, you’re not just, “Okay, I need to get out of the house because I’m working from home and I’m on the phone and on the computer all day,” and you just kind of, in a braindead way, pick some networking event to go to but you start with your vision, you do that vision board party or whatever process you prefer to create that vision for yourself and make it very visual-that’s what a vision board is about, right? And that’s the part that I haven’t gotten to.
Turning it from words into pictures and then your reticular activating system in your brain gets to work and starts to bring to the forefront the things that you have envisioned for yourself.
If you were envisioning this beautiful, new, red Tesla and you put it on your vision board, you’re going to be seeing Tesla all over the place because your reticular activating system, your RAS, is fine-tuned to pick those up.
Yup! And then you can making intentional choices about which networking functions you go to, where you pay attention, and where you focus your attention to get that person of your dreams or that new car that you’ve wanted or the vacation or some meaningful outcome or goal that you’ve been after. You’ve got to envision it first. I want to be respectful of your time here so let’s wrap up with I’d say, one more quick topic…
It’s unlimited-this conversation. I mean, everything that you said is really important but the language that you use when you’re out, I hear it all day long, and I heard it even at the event that I was at. There were women there. I was a Love Expert at this event and we were doing these roundtables and they were all like, “There are no men who can deal with powerful women!” and I said, “That’s what you believe?” I said, “Look at the men who are in this room. Some of them are married, some of them aren’t…” “Well, they’re not exactly the picture of what I would want,” and I said, “Really? So, what is it?” “This person has to be this, this, this, this but there are no men like that!” and I said, “That is not true! It’s just that your conversations about it everywhere you go made people see you that way. That you’re picky in particular and your heart isn’t open to finding somebody like that.” This is one of the things I always say: Everything you think, everything you pray, and everything you say to other people becomes what they remember about you. I used to always say how busy I was and men heard me and they were not interested because I kept saying, “Well, once I do this,” and I talk about the “Once I” syndrome in my book. If you have the “Once I” syndrome-“Once my business is up off the ground,” “Once my book is done,” “Once my house is painted,” “Once I lose ten pounds,” then you’re going to keep yourself from love and your mind has put words that you say repeatedly so listen to what you say when you go out or you don’t go out. I have women who say, “Why, I never go anywhere and when I do, I never meet anybody,” and I go, “Everywhere you go, every day,” I have this free gift on my website-anybody can go there-that’s called, Get Back in the Game. If you go on there, it’s on the side, and it says “free gift,” you just sign up for it. Get Back in the Game-it’s about going out and doing new stuff every day. Men are everywhere. Women are everywhere. People are lonely but everybody’s on their phones and they’re out getting coffee, they’re out shopping, and everybody’s doing the same thing you’re doing but if you’re home all day on your computer, your husband isn’t just going to show up knocking at your door. You have to get out, you need to learn how to flirt with people, open up, open your energy, talk to people, and let them know you’re single because I swear to God, magic happens when you least expect it. It’s not just a party on a Saturday night that you know. There’s a party next Saturday, maybe I’ll meet somebody there. It’s about anywhere you are.
Anywhere you are. I met my husband in Delaware. I was here. I went back for a wedding, I got fixed up on a blind date, and I drove two hours to meet a guy. He was rude to me on the phone so I canceled the date but I was led there and that night, on a full blue moon, I met my husband at a bar that I used to go to 18 years ago so, who would have ever thought that a bad blind date would turn into meeting the man of my dreams 3,000 miles away? It can happen in any moment at any time but I was totally open. I thought, “Well, I’m here for a reason,” and I went back to the bar I haven’t been in and there he was. Sometimes, you might be at a party and look around and think, “Oh, all the men are all duds here!” but if you would just take time to connect with people, they might invite you to another event and introduce you to your husband but because everybody is so picky about what they want, they don’t even give people a chance.
Right, and not just picky but just not in a receptive state.
When you don’t really want to go, get the salt for your family member or friend or whatever and you’re just cranky and annoyed and then you go to the kitchen and you can’t find the salt. Well, your brain is blocking you from seeing it because you’re in a non-resourceful, non-receptive state.
It’s right there, the person comes in like, “Uh, it was right in front of you-right there in the cupboard and literally, in front of your eyes,”
“Couldn’t see it?” “No, I couldn’t see it!” Well, because you’re in a non-receptive, non-resourceful state so if that’s how you show up at these events, you’re not going to find that person in your dreams.
That’s right and I saw it. Do you know how many people did? I did events for over 500,000 people all over the country. I would look in the room and I would be like, “Half of these people are totally in a bad mood!” and then, there would be the happy ones. It was like watching a whole energy frequency of a room and I could see what was going to happen before it even happened. That’s why sometimes, I would just be like, “God, please give me a patience to deal with this crowd,” and the women would come up and say, “There’s no one here who’s in my league!” and I say, “What league do you live in? What league is that?” “ Well, they’re all pathetic, dweeby, nerdy guys,” and I say, “That’s not true. There’s some really amazing people here. If you would just sit down and not judge,” “I only want to talk to the guy at table number two and table number four,” and I said, “Well, how about if I just give you your money back because you’re really not receptive to meeting people in general and you already know that the perfect man like Pierce Brosnan look-a-like or whatever is not here? Here’s your money and go out. Go somewhere else and find him!” You don’t need to ruin my event by going around and saying, “Everybody here is pathetic,” to all the women. It is just not making the room happy. I’ve matched thousands of couples in this way and at my Rapid Networking too. It’s like, keep open because anywhere you go, you can meet somebody who can lead to the next person or the next person. People are just so judgmental. I’ve always been one of those people who just accepts people for who they are and I’m friendly to everybody. I call it my Flirting with Life technique and I teach it. That’s what I’m going to be teaching about this weekend. So, you are really awesome at condensing all of this information and rounding it up. Excellent job!
Thank you. I just have to, again, say hats off to you, for all the intentionality you bring to your life, to your relationship, to your business, and to the coaching that you do to all these single people to help them bring about their dreams-that’s amazing! It’s fantastic! Also, hats off to you for really being conscious to judge mental thoughts and working to reduce that. So many people are just in autopilot mode in that way as well-not just autopilot in terms of just going through the motions and getting through their day but in the judgmentalness. That’s one thing that I’ve been working on myself a lot because I have a lot of judgments.
And being conscious of that so that you can change it. If you’re not conscious, how can you change it? I’ve been taking Kabbalah classes and when you are in judgment, you have stopped loving at that moment. You cut off that conduit for loving the other person because you’re in judgment. You can’t really do both at the same time and so, if you want to love this person more, stop judging them all the time.
I know, and it is hard because if you’ve been imprinted with a judgmental father or mother or the way you’ve been raised, that’s why it’s so important when I talk to the men about going to other countries, I said, “Look at how a woman was raised before you bring a woman that’s been beaten her whole life or treated like she was a piece of crap because she may not be able to give you this love that you’re hoping for.” Look at a person’s imprints and find out what yours are. All of us have that part of us. That little girl and little boy who has had damage from experiences in business and experiences in love. Anybody who wants to call me, I do like these 90-minute assessments and then I record your voice. Ask a lot of questions and then you can hear your own judgments in your answers. When people listen to themselves, they’re like, “Oh my God! I never thought that I would say that!” When I listen back to how I sound now, I can understand what you mean because I would say, “You’re here because you want love and there’s a part of you that’s been hurt so let’s talk about what blocks you and what your intention is,” Now, if you really want change, call me and we can figure out in 90 minutes what could be the culprit-this monster-in your house that keeps eating at you and makes you so judgmental or whatever they are. It’s very powerful. When they hear themselves, that’s when they see the difference. There was a guy who came and goes, “I really, really, really want love,” and then he said, “But!” and he negated the whole thing with “I’m this, this, this, this, this, and this, who’s going to ever put up with me?” And I said, “Well, you’ve already decided that you’re never, ever going to find it so are you sure you want to spend money trying to find it? Are you committed to doing that?” and he’s like, “Yes, I am!” and I said, “Okay, how much of you really believes that you’re going to find it?” When I ask people that, a lot of people say 70% they don’t believe so they have 70% of their mind or their thoughts and they come up with the answer right away-it’s very interesting. They’ll say, “50-50!” or “30%, yes. 70%, no,” and I’ll go, “Well, 70% of you believes you’re never going to find it so let’s change some of the patterns that you’ve created,” and most of them never learned anything about love from anywhere. Most of us are too busy working and thinking that once we become this Wonder Woman or Superman, love is just going to knock at our door. Get out of your house, go into the sunshine, rejuvenate yourself, go take some breaks, and go have lunch. I invite every person today who’s listening to this to do three new things this week that you would never do. Go down to the local coffee shop in your neighborhood, your husband or wife could live, literally, in your neighborhood but you don’t shop at the same time. Men shop around 7-[7:30] at night at grocery stores. I used to go to grocery stores late at night and be filled with men, especially Whole Foods, where you can go buy pre-made healthy food at the end of the night, right? They don’t have to cook, they don’t have to do anything, they go and buy the rice and the chicken that’s to go by the races and chicken and whatever that’s all made, and they’re all there at the takeout bar or whatever. You have to go where men go. You have to go where women go. Guys, you need help as well. People are just too lazy to get up and try something different. “If you’re bored, you’re boring,” as my mother always used to say so if you’re really bored with your life, reinvent it. Get somebody to help you to reinvent and it’s my pleasure to help you. If it’s not me, find somebody. Get Stephan to help you. Get his beautiful fiancée to help you. There’s a lot of amazing coaches out there. I’m more of a really direct person. I like to be honest with people in a loving way to snap them out of it fast so that they don’t have to be coaching with me forever but come up with some fabulous love stories like you did. You manifested her fast and now, your whole life is different. Wasn’t it kind of like, “Holy shit! It happened! Oh my God, now what?” Now, you have to step into what you committed to and what you made an intention for.
Yeah. I’ve been hugely blessed. It’s been an incredible journey and it’s still evolving. By the way, listeners, if you’re wondering who this amazing woman is that I’m talking about, it’s my fiancée, Orion Talmay. You can listen to her podcast, which is called, Stellar Life, so just go to StellarLifePodcast.com. I’ll put that link in the show notes too but let’s wrap up this episode with how can people get in touch with you to work with you, Renee, so that they could do that 90-minute session, or they could get those free gifts from your website, or they could go to one of your classes, your vision board parties, or what-have-you, how would they best get in touch with you?
Well, you can go to ReneePiane.com. It’s R-E-N-E-E then P as in Peter, I-A-N-E.com or you can go to Get Real About Love. It also leads there and then when you get there, you can just look under “Coaching” or “Events.” I mean, I have stuff coming out all summer. I’m going to be doing Get Ready for Love classes. I have love support groups. I have vision board classes and I just one so I’m rescheduling one really soon. It was so much fun! It’s so funny because people wait until the last minute. Make a plan to do this and don’t go, “Oh, when is it?” and then, “Oh, I’ll wait!” In LA, everybody waits for stuff and it’s so frustrating for me because I plan these really fabulous things and then, the day of it, 100 people want to come, and I don’t have enough room. It’s better to plan ahead, start to vision your future, and change it out from being one of those last-minute people all the time. There is a million fun things to do in LA and if you are bored, get out there and look on Facebook. There are people doing amazing things, including myself and I can help you find out where to go to some of that stuff. I’m here to activate your heart to open it, to do some new things, and make your life more exciting. Just go to ReneePiane.com. There’s all sorts of free stuff-just sign up. Actually, I am sending out a newsletter for a couple of events that I’m doing. Every month, I have a couple things going on, or I’m speaking somewhere, or I’m signing books somewhere but if anybody has a bookstore, a book group, a women’s group, a women’s organization, or men’s organization that you want me to come to speak, please let me know because I love coming to talk to people and doing book signings and stuff like that. You can get information and find out more. My 90-minute session is under “Coaching,” my events are under “Events,” and for my free gifts, just look through the links and you can get them for free so get back in the game, get your heart open to yourself even, and get in touch with the parts of you so that you’re not fighting your own self. You, guys-if you’re listening to, you know what she means, the “Once I” syndrome. Get yourself out of it and focus on what you do want and stop talking about what you don’t want because you’ll keep it there. Everybody used to call me, “Oh, you’re the one who always dates non-committal people and what I realized was, I was non-committal and I had to realize that I had part of me that was afraid to love and until I did the work that I teach, I could not let love-the love that I have now-into my life and it is extraordinary. Check out my love story, which inspires my radio shows and all that. Thank you for allowing me to share my passion today because it truly is my life’s work and I’m going to be doing this until I’m a little, old lady standing in a line here and somebody go, “There’s no good men out there!” and I turn around and I go, “Really? Is that what you want to say about love?” I’ll say, “Look around, there are people who have good love stories and amazing love stories!” I’ll have to interview you too, Stephan, about your amazing love story to inspire other people to believe that there is love. There are amazing love stories if you would just see it from a different eye. Look and open your beautiful heart-make sure you’re taking care of it and not beating it up all the time-and really, being gentle and kind to yourself so that you can pull in someone who will be treating you the way you’re treating yourself. It’s really all about how you treat yourself and once you’re kind, loving, and more accepting of yourself, you’ll find somebody who will treat you the way you’re treating yourself. Those are my last words of wisdom and appreciation for Stephan for having me on this wonderful show.
All right, thank you so much, Renee. This is fabulous! Absolutely, Orion and I will be happy to be on your show as well. Listeners, if you are at all interested in either finding the relationship of your dreams and making that real or taking your existing relationship to a whole other level, definitely go check out the show notes from this episode and the checklist that we’ll create from the episode where we take some of the action items from the episode and turn that into a nice checklist for you-a downloadable PDF along with the transcript. Take some action and make your relationship that you are either in or you are going to be in magical. We’ll catch on the next episode. Thanks for listening. This is your host, Stephan Spencer, signing off!
Links & Resources Mentioned
- Love Mechanics Podcast
- Love Mechanics: Power Tools to Build Successful Relationships with Women
- Get Real about Love: The Secrets to Opening Your Heart & Finding True Love
- Stephan’s Huffington Post Article
- The Vision Board by Joyce Schwarz
- Posterino: Mac Photo Collage App
- Day One App
- Free Secrets into the Minds of Women
- Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt on The Optimized Geek
- Get Back in the Game
- Stellar Life Podcast
- 90 Minute Assessment with Renee
- Renee Piane
Your Checklist of Actions to Take
☑ Try something different to surround yourself with new people. Go to the local coffee shop in your neighborhood, or try a new class or hobby.
☑ Keep your mindset positive. When you’re negative, it shows in your actions and words. To find love, you have to be open and believe that your true love is out there.
☑ If you’re serious about finding true love, schedule a 90 minute assessment with Renee. She can design a step-by-step plan to find the partner of your dreams.
☑ Create your vision board! Don’t choose random pictures, think about how you want your life to look a year from now and make it specific.
☑ If you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, or things have changed and you are wondering why, nurture the relationship. It may be as easy as talking about it, and spending more quality time together can help.
☑ Make a list of 3-5 non-negotiables for your dream partner. What are the traits that they have to have for you to feel happy and fulfilled? Don’t settle for less than those traits.
☑ Have nights where you completely unplug from your electronics, and spend uninterrupted one-on-one time with your partner.
☑ Re-create your vision board every year. A lot can change, and you want to make sure that your goals reflect where you currently are in your life.
☑ Plan a surprise date! Your partner will feel appreciated, and you’ll get a romantic, fun night alone with the person that you love.
☑ Be appreciative. Every day, tell your partner at least one thing that you love about them, or that makes you happy.
About Renee Piane
Renee Piane is a pioneer in the dating industry, having been in the professional dating and coaching business for the past 23 years. She is the author of Love Mechanics and Get Real about Love: The Secrets to Opening Your Heart & Finding True Love, and her podcast is Love Mechanics. You can find Renee on Twitter @reneepiane.